Looking at the chronology of events and experiences that have led to this moment, I am glad and grateful to the pantheon of Gods and Goddesses shown to us through images, paintings and statues; the many forms that the divine takes to come to us both physically and through other subtle means; and the many teachings, practices and tools that came our way and the divine energies and Prapanjam shown to us as existing in nature, around us and within us.
I am grateful to the Chinese deities who saved my life as an infant. Since my parents had lost two children earlier to diarrhea, instead they took me this time around to the Chinese medium, who was a neighbor. I am grateful to my parents for showing me the path of Sariyai that includes home puja besides temple puja, and for all the Purana stories my parents told us. I am grateful to the Ceylonese family in our neighborhood whose kids used to drag me along to attend Thevaram classes conducted by an elderly man of Ceylonese origin, where I heard more stories from the Puranas. I am grateful to have attended the missionary school during my school days, where I spent my time at the chapel listening to stories from the Bible, and later subscribed to and received lessons on Christianity through the mail from a church in Singapore. I am grateful to the teachers at the Buddhist Vihara in our neighborhood, where I attended Sunday classes and heard stories of the Buddha's journey and teachings. I am grateful to the Muslim gardener of Pakistani origin at my college who used to travel with me on the bus and share stories from his sacred texts and later from Muslim colleagues and friends in my office. Armed with these assets, I began my journey, which initially started as an urge to know more about our customs, traditions, beliefs, and religion, and why we were doing things the way we did. Besides reading a lot, I took up personal puja both at dawn and dusk in my bachelor's home after I started my working career at twenty years of age. Eight years on, Lord Siva in a dream asked that I keep my questions to a later date, as I became disillusioned with the sacred texts describing God as loving and compassionate, while what I saw in the lives of relatives and friends was only misery, suffering, and tragedy.
The thirteen-year pause and break that Lord Siva directed me to take came to an end in 2001, as the time was right to summon me back on track. The divine energies used their existing networks and, coming through and using my nephew as a tool, delivered a Mantra initiation. That mantra, besides clearing the knots within, prepared me to meet my guru, which I did a year later. Using my colleague as a tool to initiate the move to see the Nadi in 2002, Agathiyar, using me and my Karma as a module, explained all the doubts that I had previously questioned, including the injustice meted out by God to his devotees. He called me to the worship of the Siddhas. Using my wife as a tool to suggest that I draw up a horoscope chart for my second daughter during my maiden pilgrimage to India, he brought me to my very first guru, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai, an astrologer, the following year. Giving me a leaflet much earlier in 2002 that carried the name of Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, he brought me to meet him in 2005. Tavayogi takes me in as his student. The journey began to unfold in all its beauty under the shadows of Supramania Swami and Tavayogi. If the former left me his entire forty years of merits gained from his austerities, the latter left me what Agathiyar calls a treasure in the form of Yogic practice. Now armed with these assets, I journeyed along with Agathiyar, continuing to guide us even after the demise of both my gurus in physical form.
Agathiyar, who together with Tavayogi initiated me to carry out numerous tasks, today has let go of the hold on me and left me to be with myself, doing nothing. The journey has literally come to a still moment in time, devoid of any activity, puja, charity etc. I await to know my true purpose in coming here which he has promised to reveal.