Saibaba of Shirdi in Ruzbeh N Bharucha's book, "The Fakir - The Journey Continues" speaks about the immense power of free will. He says "God himself cannot tamper with it as it was an ancient law. The free will of an individual is so strong that even the very heavens have to watch helplessly while the individual goes about allowing his or her soul to plummet down to the very bowels of hell." Agathiyar too would advise but stop short of forcing anyone. I guess he too respects the individual free will to decide the next move or take a pick or choose an option. If it was not favorable, he would simply let fate decide the course and step back and watch. But "when freewill is invoked for the good", Baba says "the very heavens rejoice as they see a soul that has chosen the path that leads to them." I guess this is what Tavayogi mentioned as the Siddhas ushered us by showering flower petals on us as we both made our way into the jungles to the numerous Siddha abodes and caves. Baba says that "the heavens and masters go ecstatic the moment the soul chooses the simple path of walking the path."
If both Agathiyar and Tavayogi had broken me numerous times, Baba's words in "The Fakir - The Journey Continues" that followed, were the straw that broke the camel's back. Although it was given to me by a devotee some time back and though I had initially read several pages and kept it aside for reasons I cannot remember, I guess there is a reason I am reading this book now.
In trying to fulfill Agathiyar's wish that I build a temple for him after reading my Nadi in 2002, and as those I saw did not favor my desire, I dropped it. Nevertheless, when he assigned me to commission his bronze statue and worship him, it all fell into place though we faced some hiccups. Agathiyar later tells me that he had to break through the obstacles and hurdles in place to be with us on his Jayanthi festival of 2010. My desire to see Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal at the start of my journey on the path was nipped in the bud by Tavayogi. He replied, "Yes, it's possible but is that what you want?" I had no other desire nor did any desire arise further in me after that. Then the Siddhas made known their intention to shower me with gifts - the Nadi, position, authority and power, the gift of healing others, and now the gift of Siddhis. But I stood my ground just like I stood my ground earlier, I did not want any of these as I knew that I would be caught in the web and net for good. When Lord Muruga brought up the subject of a temple for him in 2018 and had Agathiyar convince me to build it, I was glad that for once I had let them down. Agathiyar then revealed that they had tested me. Then in 2022 when he came around asking what each one of us wanted, he waited on me, long, expecting an answer. I had to cook up something to say to him. I told him that I wanted to be born again and again and serve him as I did now. He too nipped that desire then. He asked me just as Tavayogi did, "Is that what you want?" Later he told me that I wanted Gnanam, eavesdropping on my conversation with Mahindren over the phone. He went on to explain the internal journeying through the chakras that give rise to it and told us that it was not gifted but had to be earned through our effort. Lord Murugan recently came to explain the criteria needed for one to attain the said state. I finally told Agathiyar that I did not want all that he had to offer. I just wanted him. I wanted him to reside within me for the rest of my life. I guess this is the ultimate asking, that he comes within me. I guess this is the ultimate moment of drawing aside the final veil of ignorance that separates us making me believe that we are separate.
Then Baba comes to hit the nail on the head as I read the final few pages of "The Fakir - The Journey Continues". We shall give way to Baba to address our ignorance now. "One has to go beyond even the lure of the spirit world and keep moving towards the light. Yes, whoever one worshipped and was close to would be present to receive you, but eventually, each one of us has to move beyond the brilliance of the surroundings and know that there is only one reality to merge with the creator and to reunite with the source and to become the light. That is what the master wants and expects and demands out of each of us. We have to move beyond the illusion towards what is only real." This was the journey that Ramalinga Adigal depicted in his song "Aani Pon Ambalam" too, though was representative of a similar world we live in, was in fact a journey through the chakras as Tavayogi pointed out later to me. He kept going as some tried to lure him while others looked upon him with astonishment wondering how a mortal made it that far. Finally, Mother who stands at the door to Father's chamber, introduces him to Father, where he witnesses the cosmic dance.
Just like Christ shows Betty J Eadie around heaven as she comes back from a coma to reveal in her book "Embraced by the Light", Baba shows Rudra paradise and then brings him to sit among the filth. He tells him, "So we sat in paradise and now we sit in the bowels of filth. If your focus is your master, then neither will matter." Baba is knocking some sense to me too as I too had chosen only the master - Agathiyar. Baba reminds Rudra in the book and me too, that "If your priority is not your master and your spiritual growth, and you don't use your free will to move towards your master and the light then it will take eternity and beyond for you to ever move beyond the illusion and the weakness and merge with the light. It was all about your priority and using your free will. It was all about whether you loved your master more or yourself." He points out that though we love the master, but we love our weaknesses a little bit more, which is very true. At times we question ourselves if we are truly sincere in saying that we have surrendered and that we only want him in our lives.
Baba asked an earth-shattering question that shamed me too. "All my devotees pray and want to be with me, beta. Do they really want to be with me? All my children want to spend their eternity with me knowing well that being with me means being in the most sublime place in the spirit world or merging with the light. Would my lovers and children and all my devotees and disciples want to spend their eternity with me if I decide to work in a place of foulness?" Baba gave me the shivers as I read these lines. Indeed, as he says, "I am everywhere", he is in paradise and sits in the bowels of filth too. So why do we distinguish between paradise and filth? Baba made Rudra realize that "nothing mattered but being with his master. It did not matter where he was, as long as his master was by his side." Rudra's heaven was Baba and being by his side. He didn't want heaven if that heaven didn't have Baba around.