We have settled into comfort and our comfort zones these days. If the search for God needs us to go through ordeals we back off or put it off. We prefer to attend gatherings and pujas at temples and centers and return home to our comfortable lives. At home, we air-condition the rooms to create a conducive environment to pray and meditate. The retreats and centers also cater to seekers and accommodate their needs seeing to it that their stay is comfortable. In short, no one sweats it out these days. Molly Menon who later was known as Jnana Jothiamma in writing to me from the USA in 2011, asked if there were facilities at the Kallar ashram that she wanted to visit after reading my blog. I told her not to expect the comfort of a hotel. Eventually, she hit the dirt and slept on the floor too in her travels seeking Agathiyar. We have heard of saints and monks surviving grueling ordeals to achieve what they came for. Tavayogi told me with a surprised tone that Agathiyar had come easily to us while he too had to survive ordeals, the weather, the animals and reptiles, and the troubles given by troublemakers. I wonder how Arunagiri who was asked to do nothing and not to speak managed to do it for 12 long years. If I get agitated at the slightest noise, I wonder how Supramania Swami could stand the din and noise that came from the neighbor's automotive shed. I wonder too how the young Venkataraman Iyer who came to be known as Bhagawan Ramana later, leaving his hometown in Madurai for Tiruvannamalai, could sit for so long inside the underground vault where the Patala lingam was housed in the Arulmigu Arunachaleswar Temple.
"He shifted to an underground vault known as Patala Lingam, where the sunlight never penetrated. Without moving he sat deeply absorbed in the Self and was unaware of being bitten up by the ants and vermin living there." (Source: https://www.sriramanamaharshi.org/)
Sogyal Rinpoche in his book "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying", HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, shares the story of Asanga, a famous Indian Buddhist saint, who lived in the fourth century, that puts us to shame our lack of dedication to the cause.
Agathiyar came and took to task the new host of his statue asking him why a Siddha needs comfort. He asked that we off the fans, air-conditioning, and even air purifiers. The late famed Nadi reader of Chennai, Hanumathdasan Aiya who fled indoors with his companions when it started to drizzle whilst visiting a temple directed by Agathiyar, was taken to task asking how one can become a Siddha if he fears the rain. Imagine if a guru who was addressing scores of people makes a dash for it the moment the weather turns unfriendly and batters all at the gathering.
We recall Osho's story of angels asking God what to gift a Sufi saint. Osho begins with,
Let me tell you one very famous Sufi story, “The Holy Shadow.” There once lived a saint so good that the angels came from heaven to see how a man could be so godly. This saint went about his daily life diffusing virtue as the stars diffuse light and the scent of the flowers, without being aware of it. His day could be summed up by two words — he gave, he forgave — yet these words never passed his lips. They were expressed in his ready smile, his kindness, forbearance, and charity.
The angels said to God, “Lord, grant him the gift of miracles.”
God replied, “Ask what it is that he wishes.”
They said to the saint, “Would you like the touch of your hands to heal the sick?”
“No,” answered the saint. “I would rather God do that.”
“Would you like to convert guilty souls and bring back wandering hearts to the right path?”
“No, that is the angels’ mission. It is not for me to convert.”
“Would you like to become a model of patience, attracting men by the luster of your virtues, and thus glorifying God?”
“No,” replied the saint. “If men should be attracted to me, they would become estranged from God.”
“What is it that you desire, then?” asked the angels.
“What can I wish for?” asked the saint smiling. “That God gives me his grace; with that would I not have everything?”
The angels said, “You must ask for a miracle, or one will be forced upon you.”
“Very well,” said the saint. “That I may do a great deal of good without ever knowing it.”
The angels were perplexed. They took counsel and resolved upon the following plan: every time the saint’s shadow fell behind him or to either side so that he could not see it, it would have the power to cure disease, soothe pain, and comfort sorrow. When the saint walked along, his shadow, thrown on the ground on either side or behind him, made arid paths green, caused withered plants to bloom, gave clear water to dried-up brooks, fresh color to pale children, and joy to unhappy men and women.
The saint simply went about his daily life diffusing virtue as the stars diffuse light and the scent of the flowers, without being aware of it. The people, respecting his humility, followed him silently, never speaking to him about his miracles. Soon they even forgot his name, and called him “The Holy Shadow.”
This is the ultimate: one has to become the holy shadow, just a shadow of God. This is the greatest revolution that can happen to a human being: the transfer of the center. You are no longer your own center; God becomes your center. You live like his shadow. You are not powerful, because you don’t have any center to be powerful. You are not virtuous; you don’t have any center to be virtuous. You are not even religious; you don’t have any center to be religious. You are simply not, a tremendous emptiness, with no barriers and blocks, so the divine can flow through you unhindered, uninterpreted, untouched — so the divine can flow through you as he is, not as you would like him to be. He does not pass through your center — there is none. The center is lost.
This is the meaning of this sutra: finally, you have to sacrifice your center so you cannot think in terms of the ego again, you cannot utter “I,” to annihilate yourself utterly, to erase yourself utterly. Nothing belongs to you; on the contrary, you belong to God. You become a holy shadow.
Last Sunday, Mahindren, my wife and I visited a devotee and his family some 140 kilometers away who recently had met with an accident. His mother passed away on the spot. His wife sustained major injuries. His son broke his leg while the other had injuries on his forehead. His son could walk though with a limp, while his wife was still bedridden. His daughter escaped from injuries while the devotee tells me that his knees still hurt. We were truly surprised to see their faith in Agathiyar never losing hope even after going through this tragedy. I wonder if I would be this strong in spirit. Agathiyar surprised us by coming there. Telling him that he bows to his devotion he asked what he wanted. When we expected him to ask to heal the family, his reply was that he only wanted Agathiyar. As the Sufi saint in Oshos's story asks for God's grace, “That God gives me his grace; with that would I not have everything?”, Agathiyar surprised us by calling Bhogar to bring relief to his wife and children. This family is indeed a rare breed. Agathiyar and Bhogar came for a true devotee.
Agathiyar had told a man who was bedridden for some 2 years to keep up his spirit while his kin did all the remedies he gave. But the man died. Agathiyar in a rare Nadi reading tells them what was he to do. His soul had given up. He had to take him. A relative who lost his wife in a case of hit and run right outside the temple where she had offered prayers for her safety and that of her family too, just moments before, lost faith in God and turned atheist immediately.
As I look back I understand how Agathiyar and Tavayogi trained us, unknowingly building up the spirit as we traveled and journeyed in life learning skills and trades that came in handy and useful later in life, coming to learn from the numerous experiences that come our way, making gains and loses too, and coming to terms and accept certain things in life. Experiences are given accordingly, and at the right moments, taking into consideration our maturity and understanding. Otherwise, it is delayed or postponed to a later date. At times these experiences are given and seen as needed to bring the desired change in us.
Hence I have come to believe that nothing is written in stone. Everything is fluid just as the river flows. Everything is evolving in the present moment, taking shape and also going through destruction each moment. It is only that we only see the gross and bigger things and not the subtle and minute miracles. A flower blooming is a perfect example. We only see the bud or the flower after it has bloomed. We hardly observe the flowering process for it needs us to allocate our time and watch the process without moving anywhere. So is it with the internal transformations and the opening and blooming of the chakras. It is only when alone and quiet that we tend to be absorbed into these processes. Hence the reason to take a break from all external and active participation in family matters and society. I too have kept myself away from them. True enough I am continuously becoming aware of the tingling sensation that is akin to the 1000-petaled flower opening ever and forever. Yes, if a flower opens only to wither soon, here the flower is increasingly and continuously flowering. The body aches have all disappeared too though the 3 dosas are still being expelled. The frequent urination has subsided and returned to normalcy. If I was constipated some weeks back, that too has returned to normalcy and it's loose now. If there was chillness felt at the crown in the initial days of awakening the dormant energies, by Agathiyar's grace, there was a continuous chill that was felt in the feet and legs initially, that has begun to traverse to the upper torso these days. I have come to believe too that the body heals itself, something that the late astrologer and Siddha physician Dr.Krishnan, looking into my horoscope pointed out back then.
Supramania Swami once told me that there are 3 things one has to do in privacy, namely Puja, eating, and having sex. I could understand the last as sex was a taboo in Asian culture and one could get arrested if performed before others or in public, but how and why do the former 2 have to be done in private? I believe I know now. When I sit to eat, even before taking it into my mouth, I tend to feed on the prevalent energies in it. The essence of the food reaches every cell in me. I enjoy the food to the extent that I tend to show off and express the bliss derived from eating, through facial and bodily reactions. Imagine, if done in public, I would invite stares from the other table. Similarly, it is with Puja. We tend to go into a state of ecstasy, bringing on spontaneous tears, and laughter, where we are not in control of our body and senses, and not being ourselves. The external energies either take over or the inherent energies burst their banks. Imagine if this happens in public. People would stare at us awkwardly. As for sex, it too reaches a zenith or point where we truly immerse in the moment. Have you wondered why we tend to close our eyes in prayer, while eating and when engaged in sex? When we reach a state of bliss we lose ourselves and completely immerse in the moment. If too much food and sex can make us sick, devotional bliss makes us crazy in the eyes of the ignorant. Tavayogi compares bliss derived from interaction with the divine and interaction with people as similar to a certain point and extent, except that the former is multifold and beyond limits. He calls the former Per Inbam, that which is everlasting, and the latter Sit Inbam that which is momentary.
I am truly grateful to Agathiyar for coming into my life as a messiah and savior. Of course, with him came the entire TiruKootham, or assembly of Siddhas. Looking back it amazes us that it all started with worship. True and genuine worship. Together with it, holding on to the path, and with a little effort on our part towards the given Sadhana shall bring us a long way and far. Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal constantly reminded us to put in the effort or the Sadhana. "Sadhana is the technique by which alone such a sacred inner temple can be built by each one of us within us," says Swami Chinmayananda in describing an accomplished yogi in his book "As I Think", published by the Central Chinmaya Mission Trust, Bombay 1985. Reading this again now, I am wondering if the temple that Agathiyar asked for and that Lord Murugan asked for himself later and that recently Lobhama asked us to gift Agathiyar was not an external one but as Swami Chinmayananda says a sacred inner temple for him to dwell permanently.
"An accomplished yogi is one who has ended his contact with these inert matter assemblages and has regained his native glow as the pure infinite consciousness. Such a godly one may for the benefit of the world come to express through his previous equipment for a short number of years singing the song of the divine felt by him expressing the majesty of the infinite song rising in him roaring the victory of the spirit over the matter which he has accomplished. Such a one is called a real saint, prophet, messiah, buddha. After serving the world for a time.... the equipment of expression around him withers away and he the infinite exists. As spirit, he expresses thereafter through all functioning in the entire universe."
I guess this is what Agathiyar wants us to become too. In asking us to drop our actions, desires, and wants and take up his tasks, wishes, and mission, the all-knowing transfers his energies, thoughts, and wants as and when required. He wants us to sacrifice our center and become his shadow as in the story of the Sufi saint. Emptied of our wants but enriched with emptiness so that he can come to dwell within and flow in us, lighting up the path and the surroundings, healing by just his touch or mere presence, and passing on divine knowledge without even the need to learn.
Andraz from Slovenia mailed me an extract from the book "Outer Chapters" of the Zhuangzi, a parable that mentions a conversation between "Cloud Chief" and "Big Concealment" many years back, that explains it all.
Cloud Chief: "Heavenly Master, it has been hard indeed for me to meet with you—I beg one word of instruction!"
Big Concealment: "Well, then—mind nourishment! You have only to rest in inaction and things will transform themselves. Smash your form and body, spit out hearing and eyesight, forget you are a thing among other things, and you may join in great unity with the deep and boundless. Undo the mind, slough off spirit, be blank and soulless, and the ten thousand things one by one will return to the root—return to the root and not know why. Dark and undifferentiated chaos—to the end of life none will depart from it. But if you try to know it, you have already departed from it. Do not ask what its name is, do not try to observe its form. Things will live naturally end of themselves."
Cloud Chief: "The Heavenly Master has favored me with this Virtue, instructed me in this Silence. All my life I have been looking for it, and now at last I have it!"
He bowed his head twice, stood up, took his leave, and went away. (Chapter 11, tr. Burton Watson 1968:122-3 source http://en.wikipedia.org/,)
In Chapter 12 of the said book,
The true sage is a quail at rest, a little fledgling at its meal, a bird in flight who leaves no trail behind. When the world has the Way, he joins in the chorus with all other things. When the world is without the Way, he nurses his Virtue and retires in leisure. And after a thousand years, should he be weary of the world, he will leave it and ascend to the immortals, riding on those white clouds all the way up to the village of God.
It looks like this is how we should live and end our lives, live to do his work, hence living in peace, and also leaving in peace, with no hype or seeking attention and publicity. Though generally, it would be difficult to follow this instruction for we have been on the move and doing something all life long, I have come to terms with accommodating Agathiyar's directive in asking me to withdraw myself unless there was a need and do nothing henceforth. I shall then be at peace with myself and the rest of the world.