I was the shy and timid type back then. But when we, the lads of Indian origin gathered together and spearheaded the setting up of an Indian Cultural and Arts Society at secondary school, I was picked to head the society. Later turning up at the Parent Teachers Association meeting at my daughter's school, I was nominated and elected the chairman though I tried to turn it down. When Tavayogi came I brought him over to a home that had turned into a center. Tavayogi cornered me by telling the gathering that I shall speak about the Siddhas. I sat dumbfounded. I knew nothing about them as I was pretty new too to the path. But since I knew something about Tavayogi I spoke about him for a couple of minutes. My mind raced to find a way to escape. I began to sing the Arutperunjothi mantra knowing that everyone would join in. The mantra saved me that day.
When I began to write about my maiden travel to India on several websites back then and carried videos on Kallar ashram in 2003 and 2005 respectively, a friend picked up a photo of my first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai and posted it on his FB. A negative comment from his friend drove me to remove all the sites and postings, not wanting to let others smear my gurus. Narrating my action later to Tavayogi he asked me, "Why son? Let it be." Taking his desire into account, I soon began to start from zero. Later seeing the ease with which we could attach multimedia on blogs, not having to learn the tools required in websites, I began to blog. Agathiyar then comes by giving the thumbs-up and encourages me to write further often giving me the subject, words, and sentences too.
Knowing I was not cut to be a teacher for I never had the patience to teach, I kept the Asanas and Pranayama techniques that I learned from Tavayogi to myself. Furthermore, he never told me to teach another. Agathiyar comes along and asks me to teach Mahindren and has Mahindren teach the others later. When Agathiyar brought youths to watch and participate in my home puja after their Nadi readings in 2013, I never saw myself as a guru but one who was journeying together with them. Some time back he introduced three souls asking me to initiate and teach them both his mantra and practice, telling me that I had desired to be a guru. I questioned him back, "When did I ask for it" and he remained silent. Soon I came to terms that maybe it was a Vasana brought over from a past life that had to see the light of day. But soon they never came back nor contacted me. I was freed from yet another trap. Looking back I was wise in many ways to reject the offers, either at the onset or in the midst, that he made along the journey. Building a temple, starting an ashram/peedham/movement/ etc. The gift of the Nadi for my use and others. The gift of healing others. The gift of being a medium for them to come through and sort others' lives.
I am truly at peace now just attending to "nothing" for he had relieved me of all the doings. There is nothing more to do, attend to, or say. All the puja has stopped. The rituals have stopped. The charities too. The Yoga practices too were brought to a halt. What he has me carry on is writing this blog. He had told me that I shall remain behind the curtains which I was delighted to hear. I shall remain his tool and let him write.