God gives and god takes. He gives us our parents and takes them away later. He gives us a life partner and takes him or her away later. Finally, he gives us the breath and takes it away too. We leave behind the home that we had dwelt in during our lifespan to either rot or turn into ash. Along the way, we begin to accumulate things beginning with knowledge, and later wealth and property. Lord Shiva coming in a dream had me drop all my home puja, readings, and discussions. I left these for some 14 long years.
The Guru too gives and takes it back. Responding to the call to come to the path by Agathiyar in my first Nadi reading, after the 14-year hibernation, the divine began to shower me with gifts. The Nadi reader for a start gave me a booklet containing the names of all the Siddhas to recite. Sivabalan who brought in these readers gave me a painting of Agathiyar. Dr Krishnan, astrologer, Siddha physician, and friend, gave me Agathiyar's mantra to recite and a Yantra, a copper foil that was etched with a diagram to worship. He also gave me a Rasamani to wear. My first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai in asking me to wear the nine-gem studded ring on my finger, fulfilled my desire to wear one that was a challenge I took up, when a gemstone dealer chased me out of his shop, telling me, a college student then, that I could not afford them. Meeting Tavayogi at a local ashram and having him come over to my humble home, he had me drop my affection towards him even before I could get attached. When I spent several days with Tavayogi at his Kallar Ashram in India he had me shed all the above too. I stopped wearing the gemstones and the Rasamani. He left me stark naked only with my thoughts.
Agathiyar who sent over several youths to join my family in the Pornami puja in 2013 and later had us carry out charity, had us wind up and go within in the wake of the pandemic. Agathiyar who had me commission his bronze statue in Swamimalai to be placed at a Brindavanam, decides to stay put in my home. He who came into my home in 2010 decided to leave for the home of another deity in 2022, asking me to go within henceforth. Changing his mind, he has his statue returned to my home accompanied by his wife Lobamitra Ma. Working on me subtly, and raising the dormant energies within, he has me do nothing these days.
How do we reason his moves? How do we perceive these changes? It is all his play. What is his purpose in giving us first only to remove it later? He is teaching us to be detached. Just as Tavayogi told me that I was living in Maya, he is showing us that it is all Maya, an impermanent and unreal world. So what then is real and lasting? The soul or Atma or JeevAtma. He wants us to know our Atma. This is Atma Darisanam. Once we know it we can carry on living in this world without being attached to its play of colors, shapes, and sizes. We live off in and in it but never are consumed in it. We remain detached. We remain as the Self, a witness.
This morning while taking my usual walk around the park, I saw two Indian women sitting on the bench chatting. What pulled my attention to them was that a piece of the sole in one sandal of one of them was missing. It was similar to what I had bought recently when my existing one snapped suddenly. If she walked, her feet would have to bear the heat of the road. After making several more rounds I came up before her and handed her some money telling her to get a new pair and buy both of them some food. She was visibly speechless and gave me an astonished look as I moved away. Coming another round, I saw her weeping into her palms. Stopping by, her friend tells me that she was crying. I moved on. Coming another round I saw that she was composed now. I moved on and returned home. What did take place then? I guess when I was moved to give her the cash, she must have been moved by my unprecedented move. I believe we are here to touch each other's life in multiple ways.