Since I sounded the alarm that I intended to stop writing several readers who were friends of mine messaged me asking why and so suddenly. I was not one to hold on to things, positions, etc. I take it in my stride to accept them if compelled out of love and I easily could let go of it. I had initiated a club exclusively for Indian students when I was in secondary in a missionary school. Father Damien its Director then, gave us all the support and encouragement then. I was asked to take on the post of President too which I did. Later when my daughter was in secondary I was picked by the other parents to head the Parent Teachers Association. I served one term during the years 2015 and 2016 before relinquishing it willingly after a parent who was a police officer with a Datukship and the rank of SACP attached to the King's palace came along. I thought he could serve the school better in his capacity.
If I had taken on these responsibilities after some persuasion, I find it difficult to take on the responsibilities that come with the offers made by Agathiyar. Calling me to his path through my first Nadi reading in 2002, he asked me to build a temple. In my excitement, I ventured to ask existing temple committees for space to house Agathiyar. None offered. I dropped the idea. When Supramania Swami mooted the idea we worked towards building a temple for Lord Murugan in his hometown Tiruvannamalai. But a Siddha came along and stopped our venture. When Tavayogi intended to build one for Agathiyar we joined forces and completed the venture. I thought that I had done my share but in 2018 Lord Murugan comes in the Nadi asking for a temple telling me that I shall do it differently. How different would that be I questioned myself. Seeing my silence he gets Agathiyar to confront me. As I chose to remain silent he told me "Fine I shall do it". I was relieved and thanked him. 18 months later and as the time he gave was up and there was no temple, he told me in the Nadi that he had tested me. I had escaped a trap laid for me. I would have stuck in the temple. I would have stagnated there and seen no progress if I was to have done it. It reminded me of one of the gurus from Ooty whom Tavayogi led me to on my visit to Kallar. He was stuck in the temple. So when Tavayogi wanted to build one I questioned him too as he always told us to step into the path of Gnana. I understood that it was for others. Supramania Swami who was on the path of Gnana was apprehended by a Siddha for wanting to build a temple. He dropped his wish later.
Prior to coming to read the Nadi that I heard Dr. Krishnan speak about for the very first time in 1996, looking through my horoscope, the Dr. told me Siddha Medicine and astrology would come easy for me. He was willing to teach me but I wasn't keen to pursue it. I would have stagnated there and seen no progress. Soon Agathiyar began to reward me. Agathiyar came in the Aasi Nadi calling me over for weekly readings at one juncture. I would look forward to what he would say, as he and the other Siddhas were guiding me well, besides the telephone conversation I had with Supramania Swami till 2006 and Tavayogi till 2018. I had seen the Nadi some 56 times. Agathiyar hinted that I shall receive the Nadi for my use and that of others. I never wanted it. I would have stagnated there and seen no progress.
Agathiyar who had appraised us for carrying out Siddha puja and charity, took on the name we gave for our home Agathiyar Vanam. Later he conferred the name Gnana Kottam. Lord Murugan later conferred the name Agathiyar Tapovanam. Lately, Ramalinga Adigal conferred the name Gnana Peedham. But we did not advertise the place even after it has seen much activity. The place would have mushroomed into a center. We would have been caught in a name and stagnated there. It reminded me of another swami whom Tavayogi showed me in the hills of Ooty who was in line to take over the administration of the ashram after the demise of his guru but was sidelined. He voiced his disappointment and unhappiness to Tavayogi. I had no fear for no one though would compete to take over AVM as it was a family home.
When the pandemic came and brought a halt to these readings as the Nadi readers returned to their homeland, it was a turning point for us too in many ways. The external activities as in Puja and doing charity came to a halt too as directed by Agathiyar. Agathiyar had me dissolve the WhatsApp group AVM created to bring together devotees and update them on our puja and its offshoot Amudha Surabhi shared the news on our charity programs. If we were to pursue it, I would have stagnated there and seen no progress. I could accept and follow easily the instruction to close the shop but closing the group wasn't as easy as tapping a key. I had to sit and remove each of the 100-plus names manually. The AVM family had to shed their hold on these activities that they held dear and close to their hearts. We were instructed to go within.
In going within we had to shed further our hold on our thoughts, plans, likes, dislikes, and many other things. We began to surrender to Agathiyar and his cause. He had me continue writing about the changes and the new experiences that began to take place within the body, having me drop carrying his praise in this blog. This reminded me of the last swami Tavayogi showed me in Ooty who kept to himself in a large mansion. Tavayogi touched his feet and later told me he was a Gnani.
During the pandemic and endemic phase, and in the absence of the Nadi readers, Agathiyar and the other Siddhas and the Gods came directly to us through devotees guiding us further. Agathiyar in initially coming through me would attend to the sick too. When my wife and I were not comfortable as it was a family home then with two school-going kids, he listened and withdrew his act. Besides I would have stagnated there and seen no progress. But soon he made me understand that he was not in any way inconveniencing my family but only using us and our homes to look into the troubles and problems of his devotees. We conceded and stepped back and began to watch as what Agathiyar and Lord Murugan told us. Then Agathiyar said that he would stop coming through me. It was a relief of sorts for otherwise I would have stagnated there and seen no progress.
Soon he moved "house" coming through youngsters in their twenties and thirties. It was sort of a relief as it came with a huge responsibility. Any mistake I make shall reflect on Agathiyar. Agathiyar had told me back then to walk tall as I walked his path. Agathiyar who came as the bronze statue to AVM in 2010 moved house too into the home of a devotee who also cared for his granite statue at a temple in the city. I could let him go too. If I had held on to his idol, I would have stagnated there and seen no progress.
As it is I had stagnated far too long, some 15 years, at the Manipuraka after starting the internal journey in 2007 and traversing the chakras as Agathiyar revealed. I have only a few years to catch up on lost time if time permits and if Agathiyar permits me to reenter the race to achieve a body of light.
Now Agathiyar wants me to be a guru to several devotees. After seeing and meeting Tavayogi and Supramania Swami and taking discipleship under them I cannot bring myself to fit into their shoes. We can nowhere come close to them. Just as a friend returned from Kailash in 2011 to tell us how he felt so minute before that majestic mountain, I too feel and know how small I am compared to my gurus. It is a huge responsibility to shoulder. If the student fails the guru fails and vice-versa as we are dependent on each other.
As someday all good things have to come to closure too, so too it shall be with my writings, I thought. That was what I was contemplating the past few days. But the love of my readers has convinced me to carry on writing. As Ramalinga Adigal told us that the more we refuse the more Prapanjam shall reward us, I guess this is one way of the Siddhas showing their appreciation towards us for sticking around for some 21 years.
Call me selfish but I believe that there is more to it than receiving these perks that come our way as we travel the lesser-known path that the Siddhas have shown. When bringing AVM to a closure, Agathiyar told us that henceforth the path had narrowed and only one could travel at a time and asked us not to wait for others to catch up as then our journey shall be hindered and delayed, I realize that it is time to travel alone now.