When I was still working back then, one day I was sitting at a table in a Chinese restaurant in Petaling Street having my lunch during my lunch break, when a lady vagabond who lived off the street came and sat at my table. There was a stench from her. How was I to continue eating? Of all the tables why did she pick mine, I asked myself. Seeing her sit at my table the restaurant owner walked up to her and asked her to leave. I did not even have the compassion to call for food for her or part with my food. I had failed the test that day. I am a clean person taking baths several times a day and keeping my home and its surroundings clean too. I detest unpleasant smells and odors, unsightly things, and untidy and disorganized homes having brought what we practiced at work home. The methodology 5S that focused on a clean, uncluttered, safe, and well-organized workplace to help reduce waste and optimize productivity was brought home and implemented too. It became a part of me that I carried around. Was I wrong in being clean? Recently a devotee was hauled up by Agathiyar for not keeping her home clean. I guess my insistence on cleanliness is justified though in their eyes I failed as a humane being. I had failed in many such tests. Another time I just walked by a child who was roaming alone on the streets not even stopping to ask what he was doing alone in the city. I would cross the road to continue my walk on the other side when I saw beggars on the walkways. It never occurred to me to help another. All that changed after I made my maiden journey to India to carry out my remedies. In bringing us to carry out remedies for our past deeds or karma we are introduced to giving or parting with our possessions and money.
I began to frequent the local affiliate of Agathiyar Sanmarga Sangam, a charity movement at Dengkil after Agathiyar asked me to come to the worship of the Siddhas in my Nadi reading, for at that moment I could only remember them as they were always on the streets collecting donations to feed the poor both here and in India. I included the parent organization Ongkarakudil in Turaiyur in my itinerary upon insistence from these kind souls, Manivannan, Jayanthi, and Anbarasan. I was shown the extent of charity that this organization was carrying out during that brief moment I was at Turaiyur by Nadarajah. I passed on a cash donation to its patron Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar who accepted it in person. When I went over to Kallar ashram two years later, I saw the charity that Tavayogi did, I asked that we carry out feeding while I was there. Tavayogi and I went marketing for vegetables and groceries at the wet market in Methupalaiyam while Mrs. Sarojini, now Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar, roped in the native aborigine women and began to cook up a feast. I saw happiness in the eyes of those kids and adults that day as they feasted on the simple food that we served. When my brother joined us several days later we went shopping for items of clothing to gift these children as Deepavali was nearing. But these kids sensed and sniffed the clothing out of the bags and we had to hand it to them the same day instead of keeping it under wraps to pass it on the big day. With the coming of gurus, they lead us on to carry out charity that brings out love and compassion in us that until then never saw the light of day. It soon becomes a part of our lives, a habit, a character, and a culture.
Agathiyar in bringing youths to my home in 2013 had us go out and perform feeding and deliver groceries to the hungry and unfortunate and those struggling to bring food to their tables. My home became Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) and its charity arm or wing was named Amudha Surabhi then. Today we at AVM have come one circle. The mountain is a mountain again. We started on a search that brought us to many places and to meet many personalities, events, and happenings that all added to our quest and thirst to know more that has today been quenched as we slowly began to turn back inwards and moved within to the place where we originally started - the void or the nothingness or the zero or the heart as Tavayogi places it. After having us go through and engage in all forms of Maya including puja and the many rituals, eventually, we are brought to this final place where "Nothing" exists. Sheer Nothingness. I was contemplating removing even the oil lamp that I lit in my prayer room after Agathiyar moved his statue to another devotee's home. But I did not have the guts to do it. When Tavayogi came to my home back then he brought me into my prayer room and showed me what was the true Jothi that was spoken much about. The flame from an oil lamp is called Sudar. The light that is emitted all around is Jothi.
In wanting me to read and reread Tavayogi's book "Andamum Pindamum", Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal I guess wanted me to understand how he saw the creation, the body, spirit, and soul. So I go back again to confirm if my understanding ties up with his and if there are any loose ends or void that is still unanswered. Tavayogi begins by mentioning the existence of the void or Nothingness or VettaVezhi. This was given the name Param. To discover the secret of this VettaVezhi is to know the secret of existence. This VettaVezhi had a color to it and was named SivaRubam. It shone as Jothi. This was named Sivan. Sivan has other names too namely SittargalVezhi, UchaVezhi, Tanivezhi, YegaVezhi, OliVezhi, VezhiyilVezhi, ParaVezhi, IndraGnanaVezhi, GnanaVezhi, PeruVezhi, UyarVezhi, NathantaVezhi, VethantaVezhi, PaalVezhi, MupaalVezhi, MutraPaal, ChitraKuttam, and ManiMandapam. With the grace of the ParaParam, Sivan in desiring to begin creation brought forth Sivam. Thus from Param or VettaVezhi came forth Sivam.
Kannadhasan equates the kingdom of God as the zero from where he rules all of creation. It comes as no surprise when the famed Dr. Shakuntala Dewi who fell in love with numbers even as a three-year-old child and came to travel the world giving talks and demonstrations of her marvelous talent in mathematics, regards the zero as a symbol for a void or nothingness. Although simply 'nothing' it makes a vast difference and importance in terms of its presence and positioning in a number. She reveals a stark truth that the zero has the capability of destroying another number - zero times anything is zero. (Source: Figuring the Joy of Numbers, Orient Paperbacks, 1994)
A piece from the blog http://hinduspritualarticles.blogspot.com/2014/04/blog-post_26.html,
அறிவைத் தேடித் தன் மனத்தில் இருந்து புறப்பட்டவன், தன்னை நோக்கித் திரும்பி, ஒரு வட்டமடித்துத் தனது மனத்துக்குள்ளே இறங்கும்போதுதான், அவனது தேடல் பூரணமடைகின்றது. உலகில் அனைத்தும் உண்டு என்பதையும், ஆனால், எதுவுமே நிலையானதில்லை என்பதையும் புரியவைக்கும் பூரணம் இது. தேடுதலைத் தன்னிலே இருந்து தொடங்கி தன்னிலேயே முடிக்கும் வட்டம்தான் பூரணம். இந்தப் பூரணத்தின் குறியீடுதான் பூஜ்ஜியம். தூய தமிழில், சுழியம், when translated, brings across the idea that with a single line, one would not be able to state whether it is long or short. You need another line laid or drawn adjacent to it. A line never ends; only we would have run out of paper or space. The only way to say that the line has ended is to slowly curve it till it meets the starting point or the start of the line. An eclipse or circle emerges then. The line becomes Puranam or complete. Similarly, the only way to say that we have reached the end of the road is to go within. All the search outwards ends then. Tavayogi says the same too. In autographing my copy of his "Andamum Pindamum" he signed off that "Aandavan Uraigindra Edam Thangal Ullam, Athuve Payanathin Thodakkamum, Mudivum" when translated meant, "God lives in your heart, from where the journey starts and ends too. Reading Ram Dass's book, "Going Home", where he says "When I don't know who I am, I serve you. When I know who I am, I am you", I fully understand why Agathiyar questioned me back asking if I really and truly wanted to come back taking more births just to serve him as I did now.
When there was a time when we enriched ourselves, literally, and also deepened our knowledge, there came a time when we had to shed the baggage too as we did with our past actions and karma. If the reality that we see, feel, know, and live out is all Maya, the question arises as to why bother in the very first place? Why bother to even take care of this body if it is perishable too? We learn that it is to bring us to an understanding that nothing exists forever and has us enjoy what we are given and not become attached to it. When the time comes to let go and go, just go.