In the Movie "Jesus Resurrection" the pastor's wife tells him "Don't be so arrogant to think that God cannot work through your failures." Indeed if we truly believe that it is all God's work then failures too are to be accepted just as we rejoice in success.
A reporter for a magazine who covered wars, riots, and politics when sent to cover hippies and Jesus did not want to accept the assignment thinking it was beneath him, says to a young man, "Our country is a dark divided place. But in that tent there is hope and unity and miracles that I can't even explain... I don't even know if any of this is real" referring to the church that was conducted under a tent to accommodate the large and growing crowd. Lonnie Frisbee had told Pastor Chuck earlier "You gonna need a bigger church", soon after he admitted Lonnie and his "people" into his church.
Agathiyar too had justified the need to move house back then when we were at the peak of our activities telling me that it could not accommodate the growing crowd. When I refused to budge he suggested that I expand my existing home. Finally, he gave up on me just as he had given up on me after I never moved to build a temple for him and Lord Muruga.
We learn a lesson from the pastor's daughter who was proud of her dad opening up to something he did not understand. We make the mistake of wanting to know the A to Z of things before beginning or committing ourselves. We want to know the destination before we even depart. We forget that it is a path of discovery for oneself. If we are to read up on something or someone else's journey before even starting we would only carry what we had read with us and fail to discover for ourselves, often expecting the same to happen or take place. I guess that was the reason Lord Shiva came in a dream and asked me to put off all my questions for that moment in 1988, hence bringing a halt to all reading, worship, and questioning. It was 14 years later that he set me on a new journey of discovery that answered my doubts and queries.
Balamurugan who returned from Kailash in 2011 never asked what was in store upon arrival. He had lost his job and was lost. He wanted to find the meaning of life. He found it in the wonders of nature. Standing before the majestic mountain he felt so small. Standing in the midst of age-old rocks and mountains he felt like an infant. He found himself and found God too. Similarly, Siddha physician Arivan when he goes climbing hills locally and in India never wants to know what is ahead and to be expected. These are the people who really discover things for themselves. I too never asked what to expect, neither did Tavayogi brief me about our expedition into the hills and jungles. It was sheer amazement of discovering nature and the Siddhas.
Pastor Chuck buys a little church that was deserted after the leadership had some issues and emptied the place taking everything with them, leaving an empty abandoned building. He hands the keys to the church to a young man telling him that it is now his church and that it was an empty canvas that was perfect for an artist like him to craft. He says "This movement started at Calvary but it can't stay here so go build something great. The young man baptizes some new arrivals from Texas as Chuck watches from afar and from a clifftop at Pirates Cove, pleased that he had passed on the baton to the next generation to continue God's work here.
Agathiyar too had relieved me of my responsibilities. As I never wanted to start a center and have many gather, but instead was rejoiced to see them bring back the worship of the Siddhas into their homes and to their families, Tavayogi too had a wish to see each home turn into an Agathiyar Vanam. This was conveyed by Lord Murugan himself coming through a deity. If I had gone on a discovery of temples and home puja after reading books on religion and spiritualism back then as a bachelor and if I had gone on a discovery of the Siddhas after reading the Nadi, Tavayogi brought me on a true discovery and a true journey as he told me just as we left the hotel into the caves and jungles. Just as Agathiyar had me discover the path further bringing many seekers over to my home to participate in puja and charity, he had me discover myself by having me go into solitude. It is now a journey of discovery of another kind, having me zip up once a week for starters. As Tavayogi frequently says, "What shall behold me? Only he knows" I too am asking the same these days. It is best that we do not know what is in store for us. We shall sleep in peace and be at peace with ourselves.