He was all the while with me but he had me look for him. Looking first towards the temples, then trying to find him in the books, and later standing in line hoping some visiting holy man would show him brought me nowhere close to him. Neither did all the time spent in discussions with friends and elders bring him to me. It was all his play having me search for him in all these places. He had me on the verge of going cuckoo seeking answers. But the most compassionate came in the nick of time and brought a halt to all the studies, discussions, readings, and home and temple puja giving me a long break that extended to some 14 years. When the time was right and ripe he came as the word in the Nadi. He shed light on my previous question and doubt about his existence as he was seen punishing loved ones. He spoke about karma and had me deal with mine too. He then sent a guru in the physical form to fill me up after he had me empty myself of all that I had consumed for some 28 years. Tavayogi did not hold classes but instead took me on a walk to discover the Siddhas in nature which I only came to realize now. He connected me with their realm and world and Prapanjam. Having me and my family engage in Siddha worship and rituals he brought the bridge down that laid the path for the Siddhas to enter our homes first and later take abode in our hearts too. Having us engage in doing charity he had us open up to compassion and love. Having us learn Pranayama he had us observe the breath. Having us pull the brakes on all our activities, he had us look within. We knew who we were. But in getting to him we had to tear down numerous veils that stood in our way. We had to counter numerous rapids by way of energy blocks, obstructions, and obstacles and pierce these Granthis. Mantras given by the Siddhas aided us here. We had to burn the past karma that stood in the way of attaining benefits from our efforts. Doing remedies or Parikaram aided us here. The guru in physical form came to set a balance to the scale and relieve us of further karma by getting us to add on merits. Puja and charity aided us here. Now with karma out of the way, we could fully consume the teachings and practices. Prana which came within with Pranayama activated the energy centers or Chakras within causing these energies to course through the body. The Siddhas who kept tabs on its movements aided it to flow further. They rejoice in seeing the transformation that is taking place within as to them another star is born.
They made me realize that they never left me even for a second. Even in my worst sins, they stood watch. They never saw it as a sin but as a much-needed experience. They saved me numerous times from the dangers that I had brought on myself because of carelessness, rage, anger, and stupidity. They healed me many times heeding my calls. They worked on me hoping that one day I would shine like them. They were tough at times as they did not want their efforts to go to waste due to my indulgence in things.
I realize that I have become a misfit in society. I cannot find a place in the community and society as my priorities do not line with others. There is no common subject that we could hold a conversation on. I choose to remain quiet. I chose to keep away. I have befriended loneliness. I find peace in keeping to myself. I guess that is the reason I was asked to abstain from talking once a week for starters.
If he showed his many forms that man has given him to us at the start of our journey today he stands without any specific form, assuming all the forms in creation.