In the last post I wrote "Today I just want him. I want him to reside within me for the rest of my life. I do not need anything else that he has to offer." I guess this is the ultimate asking that he comes within us or arriving at the moment where we shed the veil of ignorance that covers the truth that we are one. I dropped the search the moment I came to both my gurus. As I traveled the path, seeing many get caught, stuck and stagnate and bring onto themselves problems and troubles that came along with these wants, I dropped all desires and wants. But the Siddhas never stopped offering gifts. But I stood firm refusing to accept them as I knew that I too shall get caught in the web of addiction to power, authority, and respect. I reflected on Tavayogi and how he stood as Agathiyar in my eyes. I reflected on all the words of his and Agathiyar that molded me along the way.
In wanting just him, I have come to put an end to these garlands of offering of boons by the Siddhas and the deities. In wanting him to reside within me for the rest of my life what harm or danger can come to me? In wanting him to reside within me for the rest of my life what harm can I do to others? In wanting him to reside within me for the rest of my life what illness or disease shall come to me? He shall decide what goes in henceforth be it food and drinks or thoughts. He shall take care of me. He shall make sure that my body that is his abode now shall never fall as long as he desires to stay. In wanting him to reside within me for the rest of my life what further desires or wants is there for me? His will shall be my will too. He decides the action if there is a need to act. In settling in Agathiyar everything else settles in him. If Agathiyar comes to settle within than worship turns within too. All Kriyai and rituals are done within in silence. Mantras are chanted in silence. The gaze now turns inwards. The senses turn inwards. The journey turns inwards. The experience is now from within. The conversation happens within. He speaks through us. He sees through us. He moves in us. We become one.