What I had done all this while, is as what Jeeva had pointed out to me in a telephone conversation from Germany, that I had negated everything that came my way saying that this was not it, this was not it. It was because I did this, of course not knowing that in negating "Neti, Neti, Not this, Not This" it was a means to "going in deeper to a place where there's no experience, and realize Parasiva" (https://www.himalayanacademy.com/) He reminded me of Agathiyar telling us that arousing the Kundalini and keeping tab should not be our the intention and focus. Rather we have to reach the state of Gnanam. I am glad that I did this as I am free and detached today. Though Agathiyar only saw those souls that he had chosen to come and knock on my door, imagine if I had taken a liking to Agathiyar coming in me and listening to their problems and giving them solutions and at times literally "knocking" some sense in those hard and tough nuts whom he had come over too. As it was the years when Tavayogi frequented AVM, he knocked some sense into my head later, asking me why I had to be involved. Imagine if these people were to have advertised these happenings and brought the public over, I would have a long que in front of my family home. If I was not careful it would have bloated my ego and made others to think that it was me doing it. Imagine where it would have led too and how others would have capitalized the situation.
Imagine if I had accepted a Nadi that he had promised in the past. I would have been forced to issue tokens or numbers to people waiting in line to see their readings. If I was not careful it would have bloated my ego thinking that I was doing it.
Imagine if I had accepted the role of a guru when he sent a couple of seekers over some time back. I would be tied down and responsible to them as Agathiyar tells us that he feels it is his responsibility to save them. He voices his grieviences as he finds it difficult to mold this handful of devotees that he has selected. If I was not careful it would have bloated my ego thinking that I was doing it.
I was not meant to start an ashram or peedham and sit in it as a guru receiving visitors, the traditional way. When many approached Tavayogi to officially initiate their peedhams, he never once suggested that to me. I was not meant to build a temple though Agathiyar and Lord Muruga tried to convince me, and conduct rituals and puja and have visitors come to pray and leave, the traditional way. I was not meant to carry out a retreat having students gather and learn Yoga and leave later, the traditional way. Now I understand why Tavayogi insisted on bringing me to see some gurus and heads of some establishments in Ooty on my first visit to his ashram in 2005. After the visit, on our way back to his ashram he pointed out their nature and desires then. Now I understand that it was to forewarn me of the dangers in holding such positions. I am glad I stayed away. I liked to be like the river flowing having those thirsty for knowledge to have a drink and those willing to place their faith on the path, sail in its waters till they reach the other bank where they shall then reach out to others, passing on their newly learned and realized ways. I aspired that they learn the tricks of the trade and continue on their own in their homes with their families and friends. This was also Tavayogi's wish too. We came to understand through Lord Muruga who told us that Tavayogi had aspired that each home become Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) too, just like my home did. So it was pretty easy for me to let go when Agathiyar drove me to happily close the WhatsApp group one fine day in 2019. I was not attached. Agathiyar's intention in bringing the shutters down on AVM was to have them stand on their own now after bringing devotion within and equipping them with the tools to carry out the rituals, giving Yoga to pursue their journey further, and bringing compassion in them to have them continue doing charity. But it did not happen. The dream to see each home turn into AVM did not materialize as they had other priorities I believe. And so it happens that Agathiyar had to come and trash them for giving priority to eating, sleeping, and diligently doing one's work but failing to put into practice what he had given before sending them off. It was precious time wasted he said.
If as by nature I was a reserved, though uninhibited person and refrained from all publicity and crowd, Agathiyar in bringing others to AVM brought me out. He gave rise to AVM, and its charity arm Amudha Surabhi, and had us register it as a movement Persatuan Teman Setia (PTS) and had the youths manage it. Then in closing AVM and having them leave, he had me go inside. I never resisted the flow but kept sailing the waters using the wind to my advantage. I guess Agathiyar and Tavayogi were happy going by their reviews. That was sufficient. It was enough if I had made my gurus happy. After having been content with life and having nothing further to look forward to, he had me erase the thought of taking me back, that I had voiced to him. Agathiyar told me that he had one more purpose for me. Agathiyar kept me in the dark till he decided that it was time I knew my purpose here. Haary Roshaahn Yograj reads the "Soul Contract Reading" and exposes it. Later Agathiyar came and asked if I had come to know my purpose.
When I came across Agathiyar's 5 tenets to mankind, it surprised me to learn that we at AVM had unknowingly adopted and followed them through, engaging in rituals and puja, charity, and Yoga. Later reading the "Soul Contract Reading", I and Haary, who was eager too to know why I did all that I did, were stunned to realize that I had lived out my purpose to a large extent. It was revealed that my purpose in coming here was to be a catalytic spiritual teacher. Wanting to know further about this term, I browsed the net and came across Teal Swan articles at https://tealswan.com/resource, giving a detailed description of this term.
"A spiritual Catalyst is a person who precipitates an event or a change on the level of spirit (the essential, incorporeal part of someone or something). Spiritual Catalysts, like gurus, have attained a high level of spiritual authority, awareness, and knowledge, which enables them to guide others. Spiritual Catalysts, however, do not aim to become “Leaders” to their disciples as much as they wish to cause their disciples to question and find answers within themselves. It is the firm belief of a Spiritual Catalyst that if a person is caused to initiate their own exploration on the level of spirit, that person will then become the conscious leader of their own life. It is also the belief of a Spiritual Catalyst that if a person becomes the conscious creator and leader of their own life, that their life will inevitably become a kind of living enlightenment; thereby allowing that person to live in a continuous state of internal peace and joy."
Just as the "Spiritual Numerology of Moses" or better known as the "Soul Contract Reading" revealed my purpose here, Teal Swan described my aspirations for others to the core.
An ardent reader messaged me voicing her joy,
"Read your blog entry today. As what I use to tell - you are our lighthouse" so suits the catalytic spiritual leader definition - Teal Swan. u guide us, let us find out & grow ourselves! Thank you for your guidance, teaching, lessons, advice, etc via your blog. You are lighthouse who shine so brightly for ship or may be boat?? like me to travel!"
So I asked Agathiyar, "Can I leave now?" since he is looking and shifting through for the right candidate to carry on his work.