I thought I had failed miserably in my duty given and purpose I came for when except for several devotees who frequented Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), others could not bring themselves to open up their hearts and homes to others. They did not host the puja and rituals and invite others as my family and I did back then. I had used myself as a yardstick to measure the others. I was saddened that the puja did not take off in their homes as intended and as aspired by Tavayogi and as desired by Agathiyar.
But watching the movie "Rough Book" a lecturer in a university gives her student an assignment and asks the student to teach the class the next day. After he presented to the class what he had picked up from his research the night before, she asked the class, "Who benefits the most from teaching?" We too like the students would have answered, "Off course the students." This episode opened up my eyes too to the fact that the teacher is the one who gains the most in this test of competence.
Indeed, before we talk we need to know the subject, the basics as the teacher puts it. Just as she says, "Strengthen your basics, practice and apply", we need to be well versed in the subject to strengthen our hold and further elaborate on it. Then there is a need for practice to excel in whatever we do. Agathiyar used to ask me to run trial runs of the rituals even before the devotees trickled in for the event. We need to have the clarity first to be able to draw the veil aside and enlighten the students. These come with experience. Only then what is learned can be applied successfully.
I have come to accept that even if we do not see any AVM mushrooming around, it is fine for I believe I have learned much from these teachings too. I learned and strengthened the basic trade and skills, and practiced and applied them. I benefited the most.