It is all like a dream. The journey and the travels are like stories from pages in a book. From the Param (God) came forth this Jeeva (Jiva, Soul) that wanted to taste life (light). And so just as we supervise the building of our home, the Jeeva initiated and built the ideal home to live in. It chose the parents and the right time and space to take yet another birth to experience more adventures. Not knowing that it had chosen this life it frets and complains about almost everything. A Guru comes along the way to shed some light. He only shows us the path and the door. We then work our way and find the key to open it. Stepping through the door we see the whole game and play that we had initiated. We accept and come to terms with life. We rest in peace.
One has to make this journey. Many chose to remain behind to care for what they do. They cannot bring themselves to leave behind the tasks on hand and move ahead to the other phases waiting to be explored. Be it the act of doing charity, holding positions, holding on to groups and establishments, etc. Now I understand why Tavayogi kept asking if I wanted to meet some religious and spiritual figures on my very first visit to his ashram back then in 2005. Though I opted out of picking a trip to the caves of Uthiyur instead, returning from the caves he brought up the subject again. We did make the journey. Returning back, he pointed out to me the various stages or states of Gurus that we saw earlier. The first was envious that the position of the head of the ashram would be given to another, after the demise of their Guru days earlier. The other was caught in rituals and the affairs of his temple. Only the third Swamiji shone as a Mahan in the eyes of Tavayogi. He kept to himself in a large bungalow, wrapped in a blanket and sitting on his bed as we visited him on that dark rainy evening. Tavayogi showed me how to differentiate even holy men.
Tavayogi broke my hold on him even before it could take hold. As I sent him back to his place of stay while in Malaysia in 2005, and as I thanked him from my heart for visiting my home, he shut me up for good telling me that I was living in Maya taking him to be a saint and Swami. He told me to hold on to Agathiyar instead. Later on my visit to his ashram, he had me drop any desire to wear a Rudraksha bead on me, even before it arose; and had me drop the nine-gem studded gold ring and Rasamani bead that I was wearing on me. Agathiyar on his part had me dissolve the AVM and Amudha Surabhi WhatsApp groups, the former that updated us on Puja times and the latter on our charity programs, and move on to the next phase of going within. Eventually, Agathiyar had me even drop my attachment to him telling me that we were one.