Looking back letting go had come easy for me somehow from day one. I had picked up many things, practices, habits, etc, and had equally let it go when asked for or at a certain time in life. Let us start from my bachelor days. I took up the first job that was offered to me at the age of 20 in 1980. I remained in that field for some 36 years. I could have worked another 4 years reaching the age of pension at 60. But I opted out earlier at 56 in 2016. I did not want to die working. It was easy as I had learned to let go. Agathiyar gave me his blessings to carry on doing his work. I was now employed under Agathiyar.
Before I came to Agathiyar I had all the deities line up at my altar in my bachelor home. I did worship to them at dawn and dusk. I read much and discussed religion with senior colleagues. I could not contain the pain and sorrow of seeing many close to me suffer. I did not understand the reason for their suffering then. Lord Shiva relieved me of my suffering coming in a dream asking me to hold all my questions to another day. I left all home puja and temple worship, reading, and Satsangs that very moment. It was easy as I had learned to let go. The day that Lord Shiva mentioned came some 14 years later when I read the Nadi written by Agathiyar and got my answers. The events leading to that day are pretty interesting and were not my doing.
I came to know much later that the reason I came to the Siddhas was because of my second daughter. She, my wife, and I were a family in Papanasam in a former birth. We had served fruits that we sold as petty traders to Agathiyar before starting the day. She used to feed the granite statue of Agathiyar in the temple. When she was born I turned vegetarian for no reason at all.
Going back some 4 years earlier in 1994, a colleague who resigned from his job to become a monk at Paramahansa Yogananda's Ranchi Ashram passed me his book, "An Autobiography of a Yogi" and a painting of Lord Shiva. That book introduced me to the existence of Godmen or gurus. I lined the wall in my puja room with paintings and photos of gurus beside the deities. Both my wife and I had dreams upon dreams of these saints and deities then. I began to frequent the temples for the sake of my children.
In 2001, my nephew brought me a message and a mantra relayed by his Paramaguru Gopal Pillai. I was soon to find out a year later that it was from Agathiyar. I read the Nadi and came to the worship of Siddhas as requested by Agathiyar. Agathiyar joined the array of pictures at my altar. But soon I made a brave move to remove all and only have his painting and the oil lamp. It was easy as I had learned to let go.
In 2010, Agathiyar came as a bronze statue commissioned in Swamimalai under his orders in the Nadi. He was meant to go over to the Sri Raghavendra Mritiga Brindavanam in Ipoh that my brother-in-law was building. Meanwhile, he stayed in my home. Upon completion of the temple complex, Agathiyar chose to stay with us. Beginning in 2013 he had many seekers turn up at my home to join in our family puja. We opened our doors to them. Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) was born. We included charity and service too as we had the required numbers and funds. Come 2019, he had me wind it up just in time for the pandemic that froze our lives for some 2 1/2 years. It was easy as I had learned to let go. Now he tells me that he intends to revive the group.
In 2023 he asked that I move him to another devotee's home. I did as requested. I just have the oil lamp now. It was easy as I had learned to let go. Now he tells me that he is coming back home with his life partner Lobama on Guru Purnima in July of this year to stay put forever.
When my mother left us a year ago, I could let her go. She too was prepared mentally having lived 96 years. She saved for the day, collecting whatever money her children gave her, that took care of her funeral expenses. On her deathbed, she told us that she wanted to sleep hinting that she was going to sleep long.
Giving his message through Gopal Pillai, coming through the Nadi, and coming as Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, my guru in physical form, in the form of the bronze statue, Agathiyar started coming within devotees later. After some 22 years, Agathiyar came and sat with us as a family over two days sharing his sorrows on seeing us humans waste our lives away and soon regained his composure and shared hours of Gnanam or divine wisdom. It is all in the previous posts.
This journey is indeed beyond our dreams and imagination. Or maybe it all is a dream as Bharathi counters life. But what is the purpose of this dream then? Just as we or rather our souls momentarily part with this body during sleep when our senses too, go to sleep, leaving the vital organs to run the show, and we awake to see another day, maybe each day is another new life to be cherished. But since it has become routine we tend to miss its importance and see life as a gift. The ego that rules convinces us that we shall live to see another day. But what if it ends in our sleep?
Swami Vivekananda says to cherish each day as a new life. Awake to a new order each day. Awake with a purpose each day. Pick something that you love to do not for yourself but for others, besides going through the daily regime that has become a part of our lives.
Over the last few days, Agathiyar has made us cherish the gift of life and a family. He has made us share the joy, happiness, and bliss with others.
If I thought I could let go of all things, I found it rather difficult to let go of my lust and temper. Agathiyar had to come in the Nadi reading and conduct an hour-long class on anger management and literally took up his staff to give me a knock on my head. Basically, we are all Sakalar having come with three Malas or impurities namely: Maayai, Kanmam, and Aanavam. The saints in dropping Maayai, evolve into Rishis and are known as Piralayaakalar. In dropping Maayai and Kanmam, they evolve into Maha Rishis and are called Vignanakalar.
கட்டுப்பட்ட உயிர்களை தளை நீக்கி (மாயை, கன்மம், ஆணவம்), தன்னைப்போல் அகண்டாகார பரிபூரண வஸ்துவாக மாற்றுவதே ஈஸ்வரனின் சங்கல்பம் ஆகும். (Source: "Thiruchitrabalam Yendra Sirsabaiyum Porsabaiyum Avaniyin Antaranga Arul Arasu Chidambara Ragasiyam" and "Vallalarum Brahma Jnana Sangamum" published by Bharath Book Bureau Chennai.)
"Maya in Saiva Siddhanta exists, it's just constantly changing. That's why Gurudeva writes "...the ever perpetuating dance." It's constantly changing; there's nothing permanent about it. So it's a reality but it's constantly changing. "Maya, the ever-perpetuating dance of creation, preservation, and dissolution."
"Gurudeva clarifies Karma as our Prarabdha karma, brought with us to face in this life, along with the karma we are creating now and will cause in the future."
"Anava is when we tend to forget, we identify and we think of ourselves as a separate being rather than being just the One Being." (Source: Talks by Satguru Bodhinatha Veylanswami at https://www.himalayanacademy.com/ )
When Anavam is dropped we lose the sense of separation and become Yegan or the One. As Pon Govindasamy mentions souls are riddled, locked, and chained by Maayai, Kanmam, and Aanavam, and we have to find our way back, ridding these three, bringing us to the state of purity, that of God, I have to work on them too. I am working on it. The Siddhas are helping me subdue them. One day I shall lose even these and maybe join their ranks. Or maybe this is what is holding me back for a reason. But even if I do not break the chain I can always come back as my first guru Supramania Swami said we shall polish till it shines; and later Tavayogi said we shall come back and continue and as Agathiyar told me recently, we pick up from where we left, referring to my past live indulging in Yoga and going back even further, mentioning "You have been in touch with me for crores and crores of births." My journey was fast-tracked thanks to Supramania Swami passing me the merits of his 40 years of Tavam or austerities and the unspoken word and practical guidance from Tavayogi who led me on this journey. I am forever indebted to them.